I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here?

Alright. My first beef... how... succulent. This social media stuff is getting me down, I mean I've always been on top of e-things but it seems the only way to get a writing gig these days is if you broadcast yourself to the entire world. I'm not denying my own narcissism here. Afterall, everything I do is really important. But am I really supposed to care about everyone else?

Okay, who am I kidding. I creep your shit all the time. I refresh facebook on average probably 100 times a day and yes, I've searched through every single last morsel of existence that you or your drunk friend has decided is webworthy. I've seen how much you've gained weight since grade 12, and yes, I hoped that it would happen -- I never liked your shit anyways and your Tommy Girl made me want to vomit. Glad to see that Future Shop gig is working out for you, I heard the benefits are really good there. I really hope the staff Christmas party works out as well as it did last year. No, unfortunately you didn't untag yourself fast enough. It is really too bad about that last tequlia shot. No really, I mean that.

But yeah, I still creep you.

And yes, I see all those corny things that your ex girlfriend writes on your wall, and even though it makes me a little bit sad to see how love just never seems to work out for you, mostly it makes me really happy. Are you sure you want to list Papa Roach as one of your favourite bands? Of course, to each his own.... but come on now.

So this is why social media creeps me out. Because I am terrified of people of the likes of myself out there. I am a psycho! In fact, I am so psycho that my ex told me that if we were to date (before we dated) that he would have to purchase a safe because he didn't trust me with anything in his room. This came after I stayed over for the first time and when he came home he noticed that his porn collection had been disturbed. No, it wasn't kinky. I didn't even masturbate. I was just creeping, creeping for creeping alone. Do you really think I feel comfortable knowing that there are people like me out there?

I sure hope you don't.
You should probably change your password now.